Deciding on Extra-curricular Activities

Parents often want their children to take lessons, try new activities, and learn new skills.  Sometimes kids are the ones pushing their parents to let them try something that may not be feasible at the time.

New experiences and extracurricular activities are good for kids, but they often come with dilemmas and challenges.  How can you keep extra-curricular activities from becoming extra-conflictual activities?

How can you know when your child is ready to start a sport or take lessons?

Evaluate time: can your schedule handle the new commitment without causing too much extra stress?

• Evaluate your child’s maturity: is she ready for the challenge?  Will the new challenge be too overwhelming?
• Evaluate your child’s interest: is your child very interested, open to trying it, or not interested at all?
• Evaluate resources: will the experience be worth the investment?

What conflicts do extra-curricular activities sometimes create?

 The parent may believe that taking piano or beginning soccer by a certain age is crucial while the child may have no interest.

A child may agree to start a new activity, but then not give any effort.

A child may want to quit in the middle of the commitment.

What can parents do when they want their child to take lessons or play a sport, but their child does not want to?

• Provide gentle guidance
• Try out the activity for a limited time span
• Focus on the aspects of the activity your child does enjoy, such as time with friends
• Find less structured ways of exposing the child to the experience rather than making a huge commitment

What if your child agrees to take a class or get started in something new, but then won’t practice or she wants to quit?

• Avoid impulsive decisions
• It is important to complete commitments
• Show understanding
• Emphasize what your child is enjoying about it
• Express that you know it may not be his favorite activity and that you can talk about whether he will continue when the commitment is over
• Listen and focus on helping your child weigh whether it is something to continue or not.  Sometimes taking off the pressure and giving the decision to the child along with gentle guidance gives the child the opportunity to make the commitment himself.

 What should the goals of extracurricular activities be?

Extra activities give children opportunities for:

• Learning
• Confidence-building
• Fun

If the struggle over the extra activity outweighs the above outcomes, there may be other activities that are more fulfilling.